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Aging and My Mid-Life Crisis

I can't believe that I am now 40. It sounds SO OLD. But I don't feel like I should be THAT old. Its depressing. I think I'm having a harder time accepting this then I did for when I turned 30.

It's scary. To be frank and a little macabre, you have to start planning for end of life stuff. There is a lot I have yet to do with my life. But to be planning old people stuff, its scary.

How much longer am I going to live? How can I do this the healthiest that I possibly can? Should I buy life insurance for my other half and I? How can I increase our retirement savings. (Going on a cruise a couple times a year is not helping with that savings.) At what age should I sign up for AARP?

I had one friend die of Pancreatic cancer this past year. It hit him hard and sadly fast. I had another friend in November pass due to complications with pneumonia and his diabetes. I seen him in the store a week or two before he passed and he was out of it. I googled both their names when I did not hear back from them when I called and texted. Oh, look. That is why they didn't answer me. They died.

I don't read the newspaper often but when I do, I'm at the age where I guess I have to start checking the obituaries to see who do I know.

It's depressing and its gonna take me a while to get used to this new age. It is however motivating to be at the bottom of a new age group - which is motivating me to re-lose all the weight that I have gained. I don't want to turn into the 450 pound sack of shit that my MIL is, limping around all the time because her legs can't handle so many years of sedentary lifestyle, taking all the vitamins she can shovel down her throat to "be healthy", and dumping the bottle of ibuprofen down her fat fucking face a couple times a day. For her, its too little, too late. I have been dealing with her for a few years now, and this month has just been, Ok. Let's not turn into her, mkay.

I have dramatically limited my drinking as the first step. After the cruise, I have not drank since. I still have my monthly wine subscription coming, but wine is good for a few years and its going to be put in the cellar for now. This was fairly easy to do as I embarrassed myself pretty good posting drunk on Facebook messenger. I had anxiety about it for a few days and could not sleep as I was beating myself over some of the things I said.

I just flat out need to lose weight. All the weight I lost in 2015, has came back. I've added a few more pounds just recently, too. I am mildly motivated to get a gym membership and start lifting weights, but I am gonna start slowly. I know it may be silly to say, but the closer I got to 40, the less I feel I should be eating as I KNOW my metabolism has come to a stop. I can't wait for menopause next!

Part of my weight loss motivation is that cruise I have booked in 2020. Its a week long. I booked the Carnival Panorama in a Havana Suite where the room balcony is at a walkway. So if I am lounging, I wanna look smashing to those who can walk by and see me with the lack of privacy. I plan on taking full advantage of those deck chairs!

Overhead shot of the room set up.
I didn't do much of any training for quite some time. Everything has just flat out been phoned in. I have started walking on the treadmill more. I am cleaning up my diet. I had a consultation with a local doctor for the Orbera - the gastric balloon. It costs $7000 and its a 6 month saline filled balloon in your stomach. From the consultation, its a year of meeting with the dietician, the 6 months of doctor visits, the insertion, IV fluids 2 days after the procedure. You are supposed to be nauseous during the first few days, but since it is not permanent, and I am lazy, can I commit to a lifestyle of healthy living and NOT gain back the weight? Maybe if my life included not having to deal with the sweet peach of a MIL, this may be an option. After the consultation, I felt pretty confident that this is not the answer I need to reset my health at this time.

The local hospital has a weight loss clinic with another doctor. The appointments are billed as regular appointments and medication is prescribed. I think there may be visits with the dietician included, too. This is also an option for me in the near future. I looked into what is being prescribed nowadays via Dr. Google. Orlistat, Belviq, Contrave, Saxenda, phentermine, and Qsymia appear to be the ones that are most often handed out. I researched each item through many websites and user reviews.


From Here
I decided right before I booked the cruise last month to try Contrave first. If this does not work for me, I will try the medical weight loss program through the hospital. There's mainly one reason why I chose this medication.

It can be purchased online, safely and discreetly. And the medication can be delivered to my home. I had an online consultation with a nurse and a doctor. That was $75. I had a prescription with an online pharmacy. That was $99. I don't have insurance that will cover this weight loss stuff, so this is the best route for me financially. The consultation was made on a Thursday evening, and my prescription was delivered USPS Monday afternoon. Its part antidepressant and part opiate antagonist - helps with cravings and is supposed to help with the desire to not eat as much. Helps with mood to be motivated, and it can be taken long term.

I was told fatty foods and overeating will make you not feel well. 

All of the weight loss medications have pretty crappy side effects. One had a possibility of thyroid cancer. No thanks! Contrave isn't my ideal medication, but I think the right choice for right now.

I plan on giving updates to this in future blog posts.

Have you taken any prescription medication for weight loss? Have you had a gastric surgery for weight loss? For those who have had milestone birthdays, how well did you take it? Do they make you contemplate your future?

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